Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

It is ever so much easier to be good if your clothes are fashionable.

She...can talk brillantly upon any subject provided she knows nothing about it.

There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them.

Periods of rapid and fundamental change were never favourable for literature. Significant works, have nearly always and everywhere been created in periods of stability, be it good or bad.

China needs a table-tennis-like solidity in football.

I'm not like a performer type.

A person's taste is as much his own peculiar concern as his opinion or his purse.

Frankly speaking, I like women. In my heart, I am still teenager. And I am very open and I don't want to hide this.

Being in one's 50s is a powerful time.

There is a strength of conviction that can only come from being 100% wrong.