Evidently an A level in English is a sacred trust, like something out of "The Lord of the Rings". You must go forth with your A level and protect the English language with your bow of elfin gold.

Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

The rule is: don’t use commas like a stupid person. I mean it.

If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.

The reason to stand up for punctuation is that without it there is no reliable way of communicating meaning.

Punctuation marks are the traffic signals of language: they tell us to slow down, notice this, take a detour, and stop.

There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and those who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken.

Proper punctuation is both the sign and the cause of clear thinking.

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

Texting is a fundamentally sneaky form of communication, which we should despise, but it is such a boon we don't care. We are all sneaks now.

Texting is a supremely secretive medium of communication - it's like passing a note - and this means we should be very careful what we use it for.

Finding meaning for life is simply coming into significance because you have been able to accomplish and fulfill your purpose.

There is no greater success as when you turn your enemy into your ally.

After all, if you can't trust governments, whom can you trust?

I would rather be beaten, and be a man, than to be elected and be a little puppy dog.

The mother is really a more immediate parent than the father because one is born from the mother, and the first experience of any infant is the mother.

By the accident of fortune a man may rule the world for a time, but by virtue of love and kindness he may rule the world forever.

We are spectacular splendid manifestations of life. We have language. We have affection. And finally, and perhaps best of all, we have music.

Super-heroes were created to represent the best in all of us. We should aspire to match their nobility, not their ability to shoot big chrome guns.

Marriage is miserable unless you find the right person that is your soulmate and that takes a lot of looking.

Denounce me for advocating freedom if you can, and I will bear your curse with a better resignation.