Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarrassed to say so.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

A tree is no more valuable than a seed. Both are simply at a different stage in their development.

That’s what I’m trying, sir… getting my life.

So many Christmas films either are twee, or try and go super edgy, then stick on something Christmassy at the end of the movie.

Meaning that if you live in the moment, so to speak, we play today, and tonight we're done.

Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.

The greater our dread of crosses, the more necessary they are for us.

Success is not getting to the top - but how you bounce up from the bottom that counts.

Just that working with Clint again is like coming home.

I'm quite a good reader of people; I like to meet people, and I can tell if they're lying or not.

In order to expose a system though, you need whistleblowers.