Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

Let us put Germany so to speak in the saddle! you will see that she can ride.

I had never been to Oklahoma City before. I had no clue. Just heard there were a lot of tornadoes.

The liberation of Iraq is a crucial advance in the campaign against terror. We've removed an ally of al Qaeda.

The new psychiatrists say that everything and anything can be traced back to sexual causes. Their method, for example, could be explained as the eroticism of father confessors.

Try to cultivate love of God. You are born as a human being only to attain divine love.

We, as a country, have not seen a significant change in immigration policy in nearly two decades, even though all Americans agree that current immigration policy is outdated and malfunctioning.

The things that I have loved have always been those extremes where there has been some kind of apocalypse in the person's life, and they come out unscathed or scathed.

First things first, second things never.

I want to be important. By being different. And these girls are all the same.

Standards should not be forced down from above but rather set by the production workers themselves.