Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Don’t procrastinate, start building yourself now!

There is a single thread of attitude, a single direction of flow, that joins our present time to its early burgeoning in Mediterranean civilization.

Man is a creature who lives not upon bread alone, but primarily by catchwords.

The stage is like a cage of light. People are no longer afraid of you - they are the ones out there in the dark, watching.

The freedom of speech and the freedom of press, it's just precious man, it really is.

I love my fans because they're smart, dude.

It was unavoidable, my writing. I feel I had no choice in the matter, no more than I had about an unfortunate bone structure and a healthy head of hair.

I have a predilection for painting that lends joyousness to a wall.

Inspiration follows aspiration.

The individual or the group which organizes any society, however social its intentions or pretensions, arrogates an inordinate portion of social privilege to itself.