Failure's hard. There's no way around. Bombing on stage never feels great. You feel judged, you feel alone. But then when your performance works, it's transcendent.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

The Beatitudes correspond to the Decalogue, with blessings in lieu of the forbidden.

School used to be an escape. Now it's just another place with too much pressure, too much confrontation, & so not enough joy.

The inconvenience, the glaring lights, the long hours of waiting, and the repetition of every scene are all calculated to defeat anything more than a real mastery of love technique.

Sin regardless of how you get there is a vulnerable and a dangerous place to be. Living in unforgiveness is living in an unsafe place.

Happiness is the object and design of our existence.

It's cool to meet your idols. It's a good opportunity to travel. Those kinds of things are good.

People ask me, 'Why pray if God is sovereign?' I respond, 'Why pray if He isn't?

For the complete extinction of the state, complete Communism is necessary.

There is an awful lot of difference between reading something and actually seeing it, for you can never tell, till you see it, just how big a liar History is.

Now the melancholy God protect thee, and the tailor make thy garments of changeable taffeta, for thy mind is opal.