Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs. And I hope that they believe me.

Empowered Women 101: You are either creating drama or creating memories together. The choice is yours.

You can't help the poor by being one of them.

I don't think saying "I was wrong here, I was wrong there" absolves you of anything particularly, nor does it get you into heaven.

There has got to be more to life than being a really, really, ridiculously good actor.

The team that gets off to a good start wins pennants.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Moving to Turkey was the turning point in my life.

Good food is a good trend.

No possible combination of circumstances can keep a man down, if he makes his personal attitude right and determines to rise.