Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Your actions prove your efficiency and your lip service proves your inability.

I have been chastised by a president, I have antagonized and angered presidents, and I have taken on my own leadership.

Nothing is more capable of troubling our reason, and consuming our health, than secret notions of jealousy in solitude.

I do have a rule that very few meetings are worth more than ten minutes.

In this new millennium it is more important to defend the rights of the Mother Earth to guarantee human rights.

I’ve built a wall around me, never letting anybody inside and trying not to venture outside myself

Virtue and decency are so nearly related that it is difficult to separate them from each other but in our imagination.

The grace that has freed us from bondage to sin is desperately needed to free us from our bondage to materialism.

But there's one thing I'm sure about. An opening line should invite the reader to begin the story. It should say: Listen. Come in here. You want to know about this.

A beautiful flower does not exist. There's only a moment when a flower looks beautiful.