Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

At any given point, the chain of a stagnant life can be completely broken, but not with the same mental attitude that placed one in it.

Metaphor is awkward, but emotion, by its nature, leaves you no more scalable approach.

She might have been there for you in the aftermath, but I was there when everything came crashing down.

To be angry is easy. But to be angry with the right man at the right time and in the right manner, that is not easy.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

You put the tea in the kettle and light it. Put your hand on the metal and feel it.. but do you even feel it anymore?

I thought perhaps it should be recognized that religious people, including fundamentalists, are quite intelligent, many of them are highly educated, and they should be treated with complete respect.

I spent all my time on my movies worried that people were eating and that the schedule was being kept, so to have experts in those areas giving me the brain space as a writer and director is huge.

What are we living for? Two roomed apartment on the second floor?

Hate can only exist where people refuse to speak out against it.