Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

That isn't writing at all, it's typing.

It is because the fight against the harshest aspects of unrestricted capitalism is therefore a political problem and not an intellectual one that community action remains so essential.

Nothing so much enhances a good as to make sacrifices for it.

I walk an 11-minute mile without huffing and puffing.

... Don't mistake any of this for altruism...Fear and greed just doesn't work. If you want to be successful, quality and service just works better.

I couldn't speak enough Spanish. I couldn't make myself understood on that club.

Being on stage is the best part of my career. I just say whatever comes into my head. It's the only time I feel grown-up and in control of things.

I learned also that the best way to keep out of trouble was by never complaining or asking for anything.

In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing.

I certainly agree that capital is not a one-dimensional object, and that the return on capital takes very different forms for different assets or different people.