Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Great truths can only be forgotten and can never be falsified.

If you want to change someone, start and end with yourself. You're all you've got control over.yes, other people can change.no, you can’t change other people.

Every living soul must endure to strive.

No sensible man ever engages, unprepared, in a fencing match of words with a woman.

Love and betrayal comes hand in hand.

I'd like to do more family dramas.

Every employee, not just the senior people, should know how a company is doing.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Those who condemn the supreme certainty of mathematics feed on confusion, and can never silence the contradictions of the sophistical sciences which lead to eternal quackery.

Earth and heaven are in us