Fatherlessness is a rot that is eating away at the modern soul.

Become the kind of person the kind of person you would like to marry would like to marry.

To say that someone is a conservative does not tell us what he is interested in conserving.

Beware of anyone who claims to be neutral, for they always have an agenda.

I write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.

But for you to make this move would reveal the two fundamental tenets of true atheism. One: There is no God. Two: I hate Him.

Education is the process of selling someone on books.

Immodest and attractive is easy. Modest and repulsive is easy too. But modest and attractive is an art form.

If no God, mankind is a set of bi-pedal carbon units of mostly water. And nothing else

Yeah, I spent about 20 years in a dorm room. It took me a while to graduate.

Masculinity is the glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility.

Don't allow people into your energy field on a regular basis that you wouldn't want to be like yourself.

Create lightning bolt ideas during brainstorms by causing disturbances in your atmosphere.

Chance usually favors the prudent man.

You can do gross-out until the cows come home but if there isn't something to balance it, then it's not going to work at all.

Dresses that are truly beautiful are never unfashionable.

Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet.

The thing about family disasters is that you never have to wait long before the next one puts the previous one into perspective.

A diaper is as inspiring as a drink.

Injustice makes the rules, and courage breaks them.