Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Each day is always breaking out anew Aspirations swirling round what you do

To enjoy the nectar of life, I like to kiss you like a beautiful bee kisses the flower.

I don't believe in magic.'The young boy said. The old man smiled. 'You will when you see her.

He had never imagined that a man in love could be so lonely.

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.

Money is the best deodorant.

I think character never changes; the Acorn becomes an Oak, which is very little like an Acorn to be sure, but it never becomes an Ash.

I just do not understand the stock market. It is like reading Russian.

All love is probationary, a fact which frightens women and exhilarates men.

I don't worry too much about the fundamentalist principles that are in almost any discussion about Jazz.