Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

The man in our society is the breadwinner; the woman has enough to do as the homemaker, wife and mother.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

If you begin to ask questions, you will find the answers.

Five years from today, you will be the same person that you are today, except for the books you read and the people you meet.

I am a drifter, and as lonely as that can be, it is also remarkably freeing. I will never define myself in terms of anyone else.

All things are full of gods.

No cancer is going to tell me when my time is up.

Being Vice President is difficult. Don't make it tougher.

The great put the little on the hooke.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

I'm not Tom Cruise. I don't have to look that good. I'm always going to have a problem because I'm thought of as someone edgy, but I'm not. I'm a cupcake.

If Jesus rose from the dead, then you have to accept all he said.