Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

One of the great Sufis said: 'A saint is a saint unless he knows that he is one.

My approach to parenting is that everything is open - everything. I'm not very good at covert, or subtle, and I've had to learn timing. I do blunder in a bit.

I would not ask anyone to vote for me based on my last name. I am certainly not campaigning to be president because my last name is Clinton.

A motto I've adopted is, if at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you ever tried.

For we have thought the longer thoughts And gone the shorter way. And we have danced to devils' tunes, Shivering home to pray; To serve one master in the night, Another in the day.

Strange! that what is enjoyed without pleasure cannot be discontinued without pain!

I think feminism has always been global. I think there's feminism everywhere throughout the world.

Maybe I'm a prehistoric monster by being an individual. It's highly likely. All I offer to others is their own individuality. Grab it!

As a man gets more successful, powerful, he is more liked, and as a woman gets more successful, she is less liked, and that's true by both women and men.

A brilliant design will always benefit from the input of others.