Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

When I create a masterpiece I feel alive! When my creation is revered I feel immortal.

Resentment can be intoxicating in a way in which a drunk starts to believe he’s stronger than he is.

The results have no relation to reality. We won't give legitimacy to something that is illegitimate.

The future is merely a shadow which blocks out the joys of the present and emphasizes the miseries of the past.

You have the quality of your work and the integrity with which you do it.

What does true even mean when it comes to a face? Only souls are true, and when you spill them to the air they melt away.

Since the purpose of business is to satisfy existing desires, or stimulate new ones, if everyone were genuinely happy, there would be no need for business any longer.

We can learn even from our enemies.

Prayer is better than to sleep. Wake up. Wake up & pray. This is the way you free yourself.

The funny thing is, strangers still seem to feel comfortable coming up to me and saying things, but now usually it’s because they recognize me, and they say nice things.