Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

To sate your need without love is theft

Adjusting to Beau being a caveman over a girl had been almost as hard as seeing him with Ash. Beau didn't do jealous, not until Ashton had become his. Now he was a freaking lunatic.

I read a book not to find its meaning, but to find my happiness.

I thought I'd live to a ripe old age, because I always felt there was a lot to do. I had a driven feeling. I always thought in the present.

Humans are social creatures that really crave intimacy.

You should not believe your conscience and your feelings more than the word which the Lord who receives sinners preaches to you.

I wanted to make a horror film about beauty.

It's funny, but you never really think much about breathing. Until it's all you ever think about.

And God, the herdsman, goads them on behind.

The world is apt to judge of everything by the success; and whoever has ill fortune will hardly be allowed a good name.