Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this.

You have to live before you die, or you'll die before you live.

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.

If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me.

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.

I am here to fix the problem with yer pheaun.

Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary.

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.

François: Do you know what kind of a bomb it was? Clouseau: Yes, the exploding kind.

No one's book is perfect.

But even Es and cocaine, over the years they blow holes in your brain, rob you of your memories, your past. Which is fair enough, convenient even.

Scientific research can reduce superstition by encouraging people to think and view things in terms of cause and effect.

Our lives can change with every breath we take.

If you never concede a goal, you're going to win more games than you lose.

I'm never going to have to work. None of my descendants are ever going to have to work; this is going to make me so much money. It was such a letdown when I realized that wasn't my invention.

It was such a sweet, sad song with such sweet, sad lyrics. Old-fashioned a little, but also timeless.

Sorry, you're on the ride now, and there's no getting off in the middle.

The method of electrocution would be much better than the old method of hanging.

Cohabitation seems a greater leap in cities because it's all the harder to extract oneself if things turn sour. It's what keeps otherwise functional adults living with their mothers.