Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.

When you put the hard work in... reward will come out.

There is no force in the world better able to alter anything from its course than love.

Life keeps throwing me curve balls and I don't even own a bat. At least my dodging skills are improving.

People talk about retiring. I never said that r-word. People though I went away after the Olympic Games. I took time off to do something I've always wanted to be - a mother.

The referee is going to be the most important person in the ring tonight besides the fighters.

Fake it, you will make it. But you have to believe it.

I know that I am a black man in a white world. . . I know that I never had it made.

Be the change that you want to see

It's a funny thing about rap, that when you say 'I' into the microphone, it's like a public confession. It's very strange.