Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

A rabid sports fan is one that boos a TV set

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong

I can't remember ever staying for the end of a movie in which the actors wore togas.

A puck is a hard rubber disk that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.

Rooting for the Yankees is like owning a yacht.

England produces the best fat actors.

Hockey would be a great game... if played in the mud.

Joe Louis is a credit to his race - the human race.

You will not be able to find outer calmness if your heart is carrying a storm.

Our head is designed to broaden our perspective regarding the world around us

When love comes, it comes indiscriminately.

All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire.

I try to look cute all the time.

There’s no such religious force in the West as powerful as consumerism.

Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

I am going to hold serve the majority of the time. It is nice to have a little time to return serve.

While the farmer holds the title to the land, actually, it belongs to all the people because civilization itself rests upon the soil.