Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

The world of chemical reactions is like a stage, on which scene after scene is ceaselessly played. The actors on it are the elements.

I think anything is possible if you have the mindset and the will and desire to do it and put the time in.

Nine lives added to my one life makes a perfect 10.

There are hundreds of good reasons for having a cat, but all you need is one.

Generally, I play the kind of ethereal, fragile-on-the-outside-but-hard-and-damaged-on-the-inside type.

If someone met me on a game day, he wouldn't like me. The days in between, I'm the goodest guy you can find.

My only day off is the day I pitch.

My only day off is the day I pitch (in regards to how hard he works out during off-days).

Everybody kind of perceives me as being angry. It's not anger, it's motivation.

For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

You can’t prevent undernourishment so easily, but famines you can stop with half an effort. Then the question was why don’t the governments stop them?

There are two options: adapt or die.

The superior man * * * in regard to his speech * * * is anxious that it should be sincere.

You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is.

All empires fall eventually. It is the way of things.

I don't think I compete with myself by trying to make a better book. I don't know that that's possible. I mean, I've already done my best books, so I'd like to just make something I also like now.

The dignity of man lies in his ability to face reality in all its meaninglessness.

My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.

The oppression of a majority is detestable and odious; the oppression of a minority is only by one degree less detestable and odious.