Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Breathe-in experience, breathe-out poetry.

The best things said come last. People will talk for hours saying nothing much and then linger at the door with words that come with a rush from the heart.

In my house, neither my wife nor my daughter are impressed that I'm on television, and they remind me of that frequently.

When a guy knocks ya down, never get up unless he's gonna kill ya.

A loud voice is not always angry; a soft voice not always to be dismissed; and a well-placed silence can be the indisputable last word.

I move around a lot. Ive lived in a ton of different places - and only for a month or two at a time. I have a deep, rabid curiosity, so I like having a gypsy life.

The priest has just baptized you a Christian with water; and I baptize you a Frenchman, daring child, with a dewdrop of champagne on your lips.

Twilight''s got some avid - and rabid - fans.

Im involved in the stock market, which is fun and, sometimes, very painful.

Throw a little shade when you need to.