Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

To believe, man needs no full reasoning.Without reasoning, it turns into myophia.

Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realise that nothing really belongs to them.

Such kings can destroy a world, just as easily as they can build one.

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

when the press and problems of humanity become too much, I love to escape into books, where people are served up in digestible portions and can be pushed to one side when one is satiated.

Deliver me, Tyler, from being perfect and complete.

Artists are notoriously snooty and suspicious of anything coming from the business community.

True piety hath in it nothing weak, nothing sad, nothing constrained. It enlarges the heart; it is simple, free, and attractive.

There's nothing there — get rid of that!

I wasn't hanging around the movie theaters in New York where I grew up, a Manhattan brat.