Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

Leaders: Your job in the future is to create a space where others feel save being vulnerable. Where fears and failures are openly discussed and used as lessons moving forward.

Be careful what you look for and expect in life, because you will either find it or create it.

There are four things a child needs: plenty of love nourishing food regular sleep and lots of soap and water.

Real champions fight through adversity.

There is a wheel on the affairs of men revolve and its mechanism is such that it prevents any man from being always fortunate.

Rudeness is the weak man's limitation of strength.

In the end, love wins. It does win. We know it wins. When a person dies, love isn’t turned off like a faucet. It is an amazingly resilient part of us.

The world is teeming; anything can happen.

A man is not what he is because of the teachers he has had, but because of what he has done

Being prepared for a job is a good idea for the short term, but it is not enough for the long term.