For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

The knowledge of all things is possible

Children should never have baths, ’ my grandmother said. ‘It's a dangerous habit.’‘I agree, Grandmamma.

I see no reason to keep silent about my enjoyment of the sound of my own voice as I work.

The real winners in life are the people who look at every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better.

The little things, I can obey. But the big things - how we think, what we value - those you must choose yourself. You can't let anyone - or any society - determine those for you.

I believe love just happens once. You can be mistaken, you can think you are in love, but after a while you discover that youre really not. Real love is different.

I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.

What I know how to do is nurture and help people discover the best opportunities.

... three main components of leadership: mastery of the subject-matter, ability convincingly to articulate the particular course of action required and a fervent belief in its correctness.

I love stories and I don't like to repeat myself. And I look for new stuff, and as they say it gets harder.