For every criminal mastermind, there were ten cretins: the cruel algebra of intelligence applied across the masses.

If I can write a book that will help the world make a little more sense to a teen, then that's why I was put on the planet.

Sometimes in international politics, the better part of wisdom is to defer dangers rather than try to eliminate them altogether instantly.

The crown could go to a person with the most talent. But how could ‘most talent’ be determined? So Indian society settled on age.

Some men would rather be photographed with their fish than with their wives.

I keep remembering — I keep remembering. My heart has no pity on me.

swans ... always look as though they'd just been reading their own fan-mail.

A thousand fools believe a lie, and it's good as truth.

I had a job when I was 16 at a gas fitter, which was a bit like a pipe fitter.

I HATE HALLOWEEN. This makes me VERY unpopular.

My motto is: When in doubt, just keep lying. Even if you're terrible at it.