For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

If God adds another day to our life let us receive it gladly.

A piazza is not a plaza. The plaza is the theme park of the piazza the plaza is the commercial version. A piazza is an empty space with no function. This is what Europeans understand.

The purpose of a business is to create and keep a customer. All business activities must be focused on this central purpose.

All these things that crib and cab in your brain, in your imagination, are in fact things that might well in later life drive you insane.

Science has nothing to be ashamed of even in the ruins of Nagasaki. The shame is theirs who appeal to other values than the human imaginative values which science has evolved.

A few more albums, a few more years, I'll be like Peter Petrelli in Heroes. I'll be some type of rap super-monster or something.

Maybe it's due to my west coast liberal upbringing, but, the idea of parallel universes doesn't strike me as being too far out there.

Every punch was thrown with bad intentions.

In cricket, as in no other game, a great master may well go back to the pavilion scoreless.... In no other game does the law of averages get to work so potently, so mysteriously.

I hate holidays because it's the quietest; it's the most deafening sound in my apartment.