For me, the greatest hurdle to success has always been failure.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

It is unwise to think that marriage will bring an end to your emotional problems.

Know! You don't know!Don't know! You know!

If you run from technology, it will chase you.

It's all in Plato, all in Plato: bless me, what do they teach them at those schools!

Whereas the notion of purpose before was always associated with future, there is now a deeper purpose that can only be found in the present, through denial of time.

I just never was the marrying kind.

I have been training since 8th grade, but it has to do with listening, more than practice.

I feel like we as human beings are trampling all over the natural world, but at the same time, we are totally in its power.

If I get married again, I'm just going to buy the woman a house and break up with her, because that will be the end result anyway.

I never define depression, clinical or otherwise. It's the basis of most life, it seems to me, in the modern world. We're all depressed.