For men who want to flee Family Man America and never come back, there is a guaranteed solution: homosexuality is the new French Foreign Legion.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

Any writer worth the name is always getting into one thing or getting out of another thing.

It only makes sense to me when I can get in trouble for it. – Maya

Let no man boast himself that he has got through the perils of winter till at least the seventh of May.

I create fictional narratives, but it's based on literal people.

I look in my closet, and if I need it, I design it.

Don't play hard to get, play hard to forget.

Some records are going to be bigger than others. You're always going to be compared to your biggest record.

I think if you're able to make the music you want and you can do it in the right kind of context, you don't have to be a circus ringleader to be successful.

Being an entrepreneur is not about being in love with an idea, it's about being in love with running a company.

Always inflation comes gradually; is recognized too late; and can be cured only by ruthless political surgery, which, if delayed too long, proves futile.