For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Human nature must be something which always remains one and the same, but which may be carried out in manifold ways.

If the United Nations wants to do something to be remembered forever, I guess that would be freeing people from insanity of religion.

We may have pets, but when it comes to unconditional love, they are the masters.

I have an accountant, obviously, because I'm self employed, and I use an independent financial adviser. I trust my accountant because we have worked together for a long time now.

There is not a command God gives to His children for which He does not provide the enablement for obedience.

This is not my fault! Any ideas?” “You don't have a white flag, do you?

In the eternal scheme of things - not always in mortality - righteous yearning and longing will be fulfilled.

There is a vital connection between satyagraha and charkha, and the more I find that belief challenged, the more I am confirmed in it.

Ambition sufficiently plagues her proselytes, by keeping themselves always in show, like the statue of a public place.

In abortion they are trying to destroy the last bastion of the image of God.