For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Humans are very strange. When you need a hug, they throw you away, when you need condolence, they insult you, and when you need love, they betray you.

Regulation is necessary to protect our natural environment, keep our food and medicine safe, and ensure fair competition and fair treatment of our workers.

We need a type of patriotism that recognizes the virtues of those who are opposed to us.

Children and fools cannot lie.

Each of our acts makes a statement as to our purpose.

The truly ambitious are always as busy on the landings as they are breathless on the stairs.

The prosperous can not easily form a right idea of misery.

I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it. I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband.

The winds that awakened the stars Are blowing through my blood.

Yeah, I do stand-up, my own type of stand-up.