Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Fine. You stay here. I shall return when I’ve found food. But when you all faint from hunger later don’t think you can just feed on me.

Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you — especially when they are pleading for their lives." — Bats 2015

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.

Ever, could I or could I not count the shadows of our being?

Run while you still have the chance.

There is no first strike in Karate.

I want to lift the audience to the miraculous in human nature. After all, we shouldn't be here, with all the odds against us in nature. It's kind of unusual and wonderful!

I mean everyone, from Al Pacino to Murphy Guyer, are phenomenal actors.

Things I Want to Happen After I die: You're allowed to be sad, but you're not allowed to be too sad. If you're always sad when you think about me, then how can you remember me? —Sam McQueen

The first time I really listened to an album and thought, This album is mine, was Kanyes Late Registration.