France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

It wouldn't be mind control, if you will know you've been under mind control.

The needle of our conscience is as good a compass as any.

Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

I envy people who have the capacity to sit with another human being and find them endlessly interesting, I would rather watch TV. Of course this becomes eventually known to the other person.

When people see you on the screen, you become bigger than life.

Humor is like a frog. You can dissect it to see how it works, but by then, it's dead.

Women, like men, must be educated with a view to action, or their studies cannot be called education.

Anger is momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.

Don't see yourself as a product of your parents DNA, but rather as a brand new idea from heaven.

January brings the snow, makes our feet and fingers glow.