Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

The things that we do for love is ugly, mad, full of seat and regret.

The pursuit of historical revelance is an under appreciated endeavor.

Some years ago there was a study to discover the most stressful occupation. It turned out not to be the head of a large business, football manager or prime minister, but rather: bus driver.

A vigorous temper is not altogether an evil. Men who are easy as an old shoe are generally of little worth.

God loves us all, wants us all to share his kingdom, has a role for us all.

The Bible grows more beautiful, as we grow in our understanding of it.

If a writer disbelieves what he is writing, then he can hardly expect his reader to believe it.

I hate gold. I'm sort of a sterling-silver guy.

Never let them see you in public after you've turned 35. You're finished if you do!

The only person standing in your way is you.