Frank Sinatra enjoyed my humor, so I could say almost anything to him. I mean, within reason.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

Don't Stop Searching Until You Find Creative & Gainful Unemployment

Man is so stupid that all his life slips through his hands while trying to understand what the life is!

I'm a Red-baiter; I'm a witch-hunter if the witches are Communists.

I've tried to stay true to myself this whole entire time, and I think I've represented myself as creatively as I could with what I got on the show.

Always remember, me dear, whether you're listening to a tale or telling one: Every penny piece that's struck has two sides to it.

Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows his actions to be ruled by passion.

Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parent?" Max: "Uh, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to the test tube please?

History is the enactment of ritual on a permanent and universal stage; and its perpetual commemoration.

I told myself over and over again, do it for its images, for the pleasure you get out of it. Do it for your friends If you get more, that's a bonus.

You never escape the traps you spin yourself. Only a greater power can break a power, and then you're trapped again. Trapped forever so you cannot die.