Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I like how writing can take you off for a jaunt in your head and then set you back down in the chair where you've been all along.

Never let the clouds of your negative past blindfold you from the beauty of the present.

Bigotry or prejudice in any form is more than a problem it is a deep-seated evil within our society.

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face And show the world all the love in your heart.

Bin Laden didn't come from the abstract. He came from somewhere, and if you look where ... you'll see America's hand of villainy.

I didn't realize that television has gone through immense changes and has become very progressive.

Always remember that the true meaning of Budo is that soft overcomes hard, small overcomes large.

I believe that America is the indispensable nation of the world. Just the creation of this nation itself was a miracle.

Mathematicians stand on each others' shoulders and computer scientists stand on each others' toes.

A lot of my identity as an Aboriginal person is about family.