Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.

You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.

My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!

I am more comfortable doing comedy, and I want to perform comedy. When you can really make someone laugh, that's a healing experience. It's like music. A lot of music is really healing.

The moment you choose to be accountable for all outcomes in your life, you distance yourself from the position of a victim and assume the role of a change agent.

Your life is up to you, You only be what you want to be

Love is more cruel than lust.

What a vast difference there is between the barbarism that precedes culture and the barbarism that follows it.

Let the past hold on to itself and let the present move forward into the future.

It is more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.

I was pretty quiet as a child.

I'm devastated with the injury but I've proved my heart and skill to everyone by fighting one handed for eight rounds.

We're all confounded by a lack of time.

You don't have to have a language in common with someone for a sexual rapport. But it helps if the language you don't understand is Italian.