Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

Dogs are us, only innocent.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.

Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.

Yet some happiness must and would arise, from the very conviction, that he did suffer.

Fortune's fool! How we humans lie upon beauty like lizards upon a sun-baked rock.

When I went out, light of day seemed a darker color than when I went in.

I'll drive. But don't you be turning into a dragon while you're in the car. I don't want those claws poking holes in my nice upholstery.

Finn: I look at you because I can't look away Wendy. Wendy: That's kinda creepy. Finn: I will work on being less creepy then.

Do not wave stick when trying to catch dog.

To try to be brave is to be brave.

Fear is the most elegant weapon, your hands are never messy

We need not destroy the past. It is gone.

My favorite thing in the world is a quiz show, 'University Challenge,' so you can see what kind of sad person I am.