Frog catching is the most fun a human being can have while on this earth.

When you don't know what you're doing, it's best to do it quickly.

Most things can be fixed with duct tape and extension cords.

Through Jesus, your past is explained, your present has a purpose, and your future is secure. What more could you really want in life?

You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.

It seems a fine line between being a matador and being a rodeo clown

My parents were hoarders before hoarding was cool

I represent Jesus on this earth and he represents me in heaven.

Most people named Willie are either in prison or on the armwrestling circuit.

You can see the true heart of a man when you're out in the woods with a weapon

If you’re too busy to duck hunt or catch fish, then you’re too busy.

Maybe we should remember to smile more often. You know, just for the sake of smiling.

People don't realize how much they are in the grip of ideas. We live among ideas much more than we live in nature.

Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.

Moral standards cannot be changed by battle and cannot be changed by ballot.

There are three traps that strangle philosophy: The church, the marriage bed, and the professor's chair.

This person, this self, this me, finally, was made somewhere else. Everything had come from somewhere else, and it would all go somewhere else. I was nothing but a pathway for the person known as me.

The scholar is early acquainted with every department of the impossible.

Like associates with like.

I've always just been attracted to comedy.

I want to leave behind me the name of a fellow who never bullied a little boy, or turned his back on a big one.