[From a window in the Writer's Building at MGM, which overlooked a cemetery:] Hello down there. It might interest you to know that up here we are just as dead as you are.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

You don't have to get it perfect, you just have to get it going. Babies don't walk the first time they try, but eventually they get it right

But how conceive a God supremely good/ Who heaps his favours on the sons he loves, / Yet scatters evil with as large a hand?[Written after an earthquake in Lisbon killed over 15, 000 people]

I'll tell you a secret.Old storytellers never die.They disappear into their own story.

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?

I was not a big comic-book reader.

Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.

I've never had my brows done - I tweeze them myself. I used to watch my mom pluck her brows, that's how I learned.

If you knew it all it would not be creation but dictation.

Before I leave this Earth, I would like to know they have given women the same benefits and promotions as men.

People aren't interested in blueprints; they want to sense the painter's involvement and pleasure in the subject. . . . Paint a sense of place.