From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

THE AMPUTATED HEARTBEATS HARDER

Greatness is won, not awarded.

The true face of the unions is not now a man in a hard hat as much as it is a woman in a classroom or in cleaning smocks.

Theories are just disposable tools in the production of knowledge

Russia can be quite a dangerous place sometimes, but I never think about it.

The lower you are in the hierarchy the worse your health, the higher you are, the better your health.

After a stroke we can re-learn how to talk, because by practicing we can establish different pathways in the brain, circumnavigating the damaged part.

I not only knew I wanted to go into retailing, I also knew I wanted to go into business for myself.

But actors with political views are a dime a dozen.

It is better to be kind than right.