From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

I'm waiting for the time when I fail - because we all fail - and I'm ready, I'll take up carpentry.

We had so much fun in Ghana and they are really lovely people.

Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

You're entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

I remember once having to stop performing when I thought an elderly man a few rows back from the front was actually going to die because he was laughing so hard.

Most modern comedy is crap.

If I showed you what was in my heart, " she said, "it would burn you to a cinder."I've tried to burn you similarly, " it said, "but you never even noticed when I opened my chest.

Waiting is often the best part of the story, " he explains. "After all, once you know the story, its over.

It was easy enough to kill yourself in a fit of despair. It was easy enough to play the martyr. It was harder to do nothing. To endure your life. To wait.

As you get older, you have different tools, and you learn to use photography differently.

We shouldn't have stupid cars that use liquid fossil fuels. Come on, how outmoded is that? We have to get to the point where this is no longer a part of our experience.

I have a weird vision of relationships because my parents have known each other since second grade, and they got married right out of college.

Being in love is totally punk rock.

I'm finally looking older and inviting my wrinkles.

Reading is important. Books are important. Librarians are important. (Also, libraries are not child-care facilities, but sometimes feral children raise themselves among the stacks.)

Baking is how you start kids at cooking in the kitchen.