Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

All the effort in the world won't matter if you're not inspired.

Live in the seasons of life like you live in the seasons of the world.

I could undertake to be an efficient pupil if it were possible to find an efficient teacher.

I never thought I would just be doing Arkady books.

When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it?

Everything is everything What is meant to be, will be After winter, must come spring Change, it comes eventually

These impossible women! How they do get around us!

Today's Declaration: I focus on what I want, not on what i don't want.

Always give a hundred percent, and you'll never have to second-guess yourself.

You never read about the real pain. It lives where no word can travel.