Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Once you've tasted freedom, it stays in your heart...

Scripture tells us to "run with endurance the race that is set before us." As we do, may God hold close those who’ve been taken from us too soon.

Memories do not always soften with time; some grow edges like knives.

While living in America when I attended Harvard in the early 1970s, I saw for myself the awesome, almost miraculous, power of a people to change policy through democratic means.

I note that some whom I greatly love and esteem, who are, in my judgment, among the very choicest of God's people, nevertheless, travel most of the way to heaven by night.

Article Five: If you have no reason or ability to accomplish anything, then just practice the art of becoming.

I'm 43 years old, and I know who I am, and I own my mistakes. They're my business. And when somebody who doesn't know me has an opinion, it's none of my business.

I never got into politics for it to be a career.

Just do as much as you can.

If I'm going to be 'too' anything, 'too cute' is fine. I love puppies. So what? Who hates puppies?