Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do, ’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.

Black funeral dress. Black heels. Black headband in my hair. Death has a style all it's own. I'm glad I don't have to wear it very often.

The greatest enemy of progress is the illusion of knowledge.

You can only fall in love once the next time you rise with it

Music is your own experience, your own thoughts, your wisdom.

Life is full of choices. We don't always make good ones.

Is Anna Nicole Smith still dead?

I'm pretty good at indulging myself. I'm about to go travel for a week. I like to get massaged, go into steam rooms. I take care of myself.

In real life, you just work for the ordinary self, but in the front of audience you become the superself. That's a completely different thing.

There is nobody as enslaved as the fanatic, the person in whom one impulse, one value, has assumed ascendancy over all others.