GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

How you approach birth is intimately connected with how you approach life

You don’t choose the music your enemies play, but you choose which songs you dance to.

If you build your life on one and only person, be prepared for none and lonely life

Be more than a father, be a dad. Be more than a figure, be an example.

Theist and atheist: The fight between them is as to whether God shall be called God or shall have some other name.

I have two luxuries to brood over in my walks, your loveliness and the hour of my death. O that I could have possession of them both in the same minute.

Celebrities do look different in real life from our images of them - there is a big gap. And that is what my work is about: the gap between the image and the celebrity themselves.

You have to get a great headline to attract attention in your blog - it's about the lure - not the rod.

Fighting is not internal, but it can be very spiritual. Everything acting is internal. One of my problems in making the transition is pulling back, but I'm working on it.

Americans of all ages are earning less than they did two decades ago when adjusted for inflation. Yet they’re paying more in taxes.