George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

By embracing our brokenness, we don’t come to Christ's feet occasionally, but we stay at His feet continuously.

To smile is to turn the lights on, the lights of existence within you!

He wasted his wishes on wishing.

Patience is a virtue, and I'm learning patience. It's a tough lesson.

Those who cannot be aggressive are hunted down while they shiver and hide because the night is dark.

I am the only girl in the family so everyone pampered me.

Even the wisdom of God hath not suggested more pressing motives, more powerful incentives to charity, than these, that we shall be judged by it at the last dreadful day.

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Most of the time when "universal" is used, it's just a euphamism for "white"; white themes, white significance, white culture.

I've always loved dogs. I grew up with them and I love working with them. They're really fun.