Getting married is a good deal like going to a restaurant with your friends. You order what you want and then when you see what the other fellow got you wish you had taken that.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it.

True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.

You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom.

I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.

The law does not pretend to punish everything that is dishonest. That would seriously interfere with business.

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose.

A criminal is someone without the capital to incorporate

I am not afraid of any god in the universe who would send me or any other man or woman to hell. If there were such a being, he would not be a god; he would be a devil.

I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.

Lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.

Eschew the ordinary, disdain the commonplace. If you have a single-minded need for something, let it be the unusual, the esoteric, the bizarre, the unexpected.

I would rather dance alone under the stars than spend a lifetime hiding behind the moon.

You can't help everyone and most critically you can't help people who don't need you or see the value you have to offer

Give me neither poverty nor riches feed me with food convenient for me.

No campaign plan survives first contact with the enemy

I love to entertain, I love to make people laugh, cry, and move them, perhaps moving them in their lives.

Are you here to experience life or think about it?

Look to the essence of a thing, whether it be a point of doctrine, of practice, or of interpretation.

I had trouble hanging around [Shelley Long] until we stood onstage together, and then I was in heaven.

In the course of the reform, some new circumstances that we had not anticipated have appeared.