Getting old in America ... best to do it somewhere else.

In the future we'll all have 15 minutes of fame and 15 minutes of healthcare.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

Mercy, it's the revolution and I'm in my bathrobe!

We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

My weight is always perfect for my height - which varies.

Dogs are joiners; if they were guys, their idea of a good time would be to attend an Elks luncheon.

Just because an idea is true doesn't mean it can be proved. And just because an idea can be proved doesn't mean it's true.

I'm going to set up a Commission of Inquiry, " said the Sow. "What's that?" asked Lorina."It's a way of putting things off, said the Sow, "in the hope that the problem will go away.

Perhaps it is only human nature to inflict suffering on anything that will endure suffering, whether by reason of its genuine humility, or indifference, or sheer helplessness.

they that reject and disregard the unripe fruits are they that enjoy the ripe fruits

I think I was technically uncredited as Local #1, because there were three of us. But I had the most lines [in My Sweet Charlie].

If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.

Beauty compels us; reason merely cajoles.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

Work with people who believe what you believe.

Complete health and awakening are really the same.