Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

There are twenty one mystical dimensions of consciousness. Enlightenment is abiding in the highest three dimensions of consciousness.

As long as we have life, we keep love and hope alive.

I realised that one might love him secretly with no hope of encouragement, which can be very enjoyable for the young or inexperienced.

Many a man gets weary of clamping down on his rough impulses which if given occasional release would encourage the living of life with salt in it in place of dust.

We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are.

That eagle's fate and mine are one, Which, on the shaft that made him die, Espied a feather of his own, Wherewith he wont to soar so high.

Nelson Mandela will always be the face of South Africa. The traveler passing through the country will see Mandela's face almost everywhere he looks. Truly, the man is omnipresent.

Work is the inevitable condition of human life, the true source of human welfare.

The United States is absolutely the most dangerous country in the world.

My job, is to show folks there's a lot of good music in this world, and if used right it may help to save the planet.